Rich in Nimes
My PA, flat out
Pastel on paper
Sparrows
Let’s have a little break from the words and look at the sparrows that have taken up residence […]
Her indoors
Stripping wire, opening wine, freeing small stones from a hoof. Scaling fish, filing their nails, picking their teeth […]
Definitive proof that ‘folders’ are poorly named
Are they for folding things, or saving things from being folded? Follow the green or the pink line. […]
Flu jab
Skewer Spear Immunise. A tiny chrome harpoon stuck into your flabby thighs will make sure you’re immune. A […]
Look over the wall
Look over the wall. What do you see? A child fleeing war or a threat to our country? […]
Silent falls the garden
The larks no longer fear the lawn soundly sleeps the shrew. Sparrows splash in sunlit pools, while wrens […]
La Bourse, Nimes
Dust to dust
The new me is an older me. The old me once was young. Young me has no future […]
The Today programme
Some mornings when I wake up I remember to forget. They’re the ones I start the day without […]
Gondolas on the Grand Canal
Sooner or later
We’re all in eternity’s anteroom, waiting to step through the door. None of us knows when our name […]
The cleaner
A cleaner sees her client in the shop She doesn’t recognise me (We’ve never met in person) but […]
Silt
You can’t put out water with fire, burn off the sea in a day, outswim a tide of […]
Pas de chat
A better ballerina I bet I’ll never meet than my cat astride a fence post, so sure upon […]
The Wreckless School of Motoring
The Wreckless School of Motoring, reckless with its claims, closed down after several crashes (couldn’t handle lanes).
Moustache
I couldn’t help but comment on that fiery facial fur, not thinking my kind words could be taken […]
Memories of times past
Remember when you used to be able to shit without a smartphone, and loosen your sphincter without a […]
Am I dying already?
Do I already own the clothes I’ll die in? The songs I won’t hear from my casket? What […]
Not so smart phone
Autocorrect corrects me less than I correct it. Its only purpose seems to be to make me look […]
Should it ever be served
That’s it: Brexit. Article 50 made live. Team Leave promised we’d thrive outside. Team Holyrood warned that we […]
Unicorn
PMQs
I’d rather we made points than scored them, prime minister. If we could stick to the facts… Do […]
An eye for an I
Deleted myself today. Wrote ‘love you’ without saying who. Not who to… (which was you) …only ‘I’ went […]
Telebomb
They took all the money they’d saved up for bombs and spent it on healthcare instead then ran […]
Almost is enough
It’s quite alright to live a life of ‘almost’ if you tried. To stretch for stars but barely […]
I Verb Lonely as a Noun
I verb adverb as a noun That verbs on high o’er nouns and nouns, When all at once […]
Sleep
I envy those with strength of will to tackle it cold turkey; not like us who squander life […]
No laughing matter
I thought it was rather harsh, locking him up for a century quarter for having a bit of […]
Doctor Johnson’s diagnosis
I knew not to hasten this man for whom words were not to be wasted, but handled with […]
Control
Nineteen buttons: one through zero, volume up and down, channel, power, source and mute, EPG and sleep. I […]
Buyer’s remorse
Buyer’s remorse is fine on a bike with a money back guarantee, but not when you’re putting a […]
Peterborough, 4pm
‘Let’s imagine a history in which comet and earth don’t collide and somehow over the centuries the dinosaurs […]
Bat box
She asked if I wanted to watch her bat box. I asked, ‘fly or welterweight classes?’ ‘Pine,’ she […]
Turkey coup
Playing cards on Friday night we heard a Turkey coup as birds of war like iron hawks above […]
May
Our new PM was elected with fewer than 200 votes. That’s how politics works these days. Like it or […]