What a bizarre Eurovision - as much for the fact that it went with the predictions as much as anything else. How (how, how, how) did Greece win? It’s beyond me. Such an average, ordinary song, it didn’t come close to some of the more innovative, interesting entries.

And what happened to the big four? The UK, France, Germany and Span filled the last four slots, yet each of us is guaranteed a place in next year’s contest because we pay so much to fund it. Isn’t it time that came to an end? Shouldn’t we have to qualify like everyone else? None of us produced anything particularly good, yet we forced out four potentially better entries from the semis by having our guaranteed slots.

It’s strange, actually, that our entry and the one from Greece were almost identical, which proves once and for all that it’s more to do with the stage show than the song itself. Greece had elasticated pant strings that the singer played like a violin, after which nobody had a chance.

Of course, it should have gone to Romania or Hungary, each of which was infinitely better than the Greek entry. Romania didn’t do so bad, but Hungary didn’t even score enough to save itself from having to get through next year’s semis again.

The actual scoreboard moved around all over the place, and for a while it looked like next year’s contest might go to Latvia, or even Moldova, which would have been an interesting turn of events.

Ystabub should have been happy, though. He was given Greece as his nominated country, so brought haloumi to the party again - like last year. I had Spain, so did olive tapenade, which was perhaps not such a wise move, as most of the other fell into the ‘hate’ camp when it came to love-them or hate-them olives.

I did text a vote for Hungary. Looks like I was in the minority, though…

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