Christmas Day
If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
Christmas day isn’t the best time to set the kitchen on fire. So, don’t put towels on the hob to mop up the spitting steamer. Don’t leave them there when you turn it up to 12.
If you do happen to set them on fire, standard protocol is to run with them into the garden, flames licking your fingers, the kitchen filling with smoke, then drop them on the wet lawn and stamp them out. This probably won’t work right away, so be prepared to stamp them into the grass until you’ve put your foot right through them. You might singe your feet doing this.
When you get back in the kitchen, it’ll probably be full of smoke, so you’ll have to re-wash all those clothes you’d just hung up to dry, or you’ll smell like a block of burning urine for the rest of the festive season.
After that, the rest of the day will pass quite smoothly, albeit a little coldly as you’ll have to keep the front and back doors open to blow the smoke out of the rest of the house.
You may just be able to spot your sister through the haze holding up baby clothes to her pregnant bump, worrying about how large and uncomfortable they imply the resulting offspring might be.
If you liked that post, then try these...
L’Escargot on May 28th, 2004
Observe, Mr Bond: the instruments of armageddon on November 30th, 2003
Election day on June 7th, 2001
Easy Tiger on January 16th, 2004
Eating on December 26th, 2002
Loading ...