I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve done the Maldon Mud Race now.

Well, I say ‘done’, but of course I mean ‘watched’. It was a first for Sal, Dan and dad, though. Dad arrived from the frozen north at about 10, having set off at half five this morning, so we motored around to mum’s and picked up Sal and Dan, then scooted across to Maldon through a light shower of rain, bought our tickets and stood on the quayside.

It was so cold. The wind skimmed up the estuary, skipping across the frigid water, making us all glad of the gloves and scarves and thick coats in which we’d wrapped ourselves. We hugged polystyrene cups of tea and looked down on the competitors, some barely dressed in anything, down on the mud below.

The race itself takes barely any time at all; the leader has run down one bank, across the river, up and along the opposite bank and then back through the water and up the nearest side again to the freezing showers syphoned straight out of the boating lake in about four minutes flat. The stragglers, though, found themselves wading through the waist-deep churned-up mud for 40 minutes or more, freezing themselves and getting caked in thick, sticky mud.

It must start out as a great joke, messing around at the back and dawdling, but you’ll soon regret it. One woman was being sucked down into the mud and had to be levered out by the sub-aqua club. Other people were struggling so much they flopped down on their backs and pushed themselves along with their legs, sliding along the slimy surface.

I had packed us a picnic, but we ended up parking so far away that by the time we got back to the car it was better to drive home and eat it there, where we sat around the fire warming up. In fact, eating was pretty much the theme of the afternoon. We had home made biscuits and cups of tea and opened our presents and then while they watched films I made a huge fish pie and a lemon meringue pie that was too fluffy to keep itself upright. It tasked fine - it just didn’t look so good.

It was a mighty fine Boxing Day, though, and I’m sure it did us good to get out of the house this morning with something proper to do, rather than just drifting around the streets mid-afternoon looking for fresh air as an excuse to walk off yet another large meal.

It’s been a good Christmas this year.

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2. Maldon Mud Race 2005
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3. Nature boy
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