I know what you’re thinking. I went trans-Atlantic for the weekend and this is the latest weapon in Fortress America’s armoury (no pun intended). Well I didn’t. I wouldn’t. Instead it was the Friskomatic on Southwold Pier (’prepare to be frisked like you’ve never been frisked before’).

It’s part of the Under the Pier Show which is both decidedly not a show, nor actually under the pier, but it is a lot of fun nonetheless. Populated by the bizarre and slightly disturbing mechanical creations of one Tim Hunkin, it’s the place to go if you want to experience an instant eclipse, go on an ecological holiday without ever leaving your arm chair, or enter the booth of truth to have your fortune told by a trainee behind an auto-closing curtain.

We plumped for the latter, and gave the Friskomatic a wide berth. There are people who would pay good money to have inflatable gloves pat their intimate areas. They’re just never there when you need them.

1. Sniffle
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2. Geek cookie
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3. Felixstowe
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