I’m starting to suspect, quite seriously, that I don’t actually have a tenant at all.

I’ve been checking my account each day to see when the agent has paid in the first month’s rent, but so far… nothing. She has also ignored my email asking if all went well with the move.

So, getting curious, I drove around to the flat yesterday morning, and although I obviously didn’t go up there and walk straight in it certainly doesn’t look occupied from the outside. There is nothing on any of the windowsills - not even in the kitchen - and from what I could see if the shelving, there were no personal belongings on display.

Feeling somewhat pensive, I wandered into town to buy some new jeans and flicked through the Chronicle in WHSmith. There was an advert from my agent hawking a flat that sounded suspiciously similar to mine, in the same location and at an identical price.

Now there’s no guarantee that is my flat. There are quite a lot of that design, but then my road is two towns away from their office, so it isn’t exactly in their usual territory, which does make me wonder… and it would explain the absence of any money.

So much for having another couple lined up to move in right away if the ones she’d got sorted out fell through.

I’ll call her on Monday morning. I’m not worried about it not working out with that first pair - she can’t help it if it doesn’t work out - but maintaining radio silence and letting me go ahead with paying to register the new non-tennants with the building management company, and then write letters to the council telling them to redirect the council tax bills to two people who aren’t even living there is very naughty.

The rest of the day was much more productive. I found two pairs of jeans, sat in the sun by the river, went to the gym and then, in the evening, out to dinner with mum for her birthday. Sal and Dan had come over for the weekend, so there were six of us all told and after eating in Margaretting we went back to Galleywood for coffee with the balding cat. Poor thing looks like she’s got chicken legs now. And not very meaty ones, either.

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