Buyers' remorse

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Buyer’s remorse is fine on a bike
with a money back guarantee,
but not when you’re putting a cross in a box
to settle the fate of the country.

It isn’t a protest if it might win,
nor a weapon of last resort
for pencil and pen will always beat sword
if the outcome’s referred to the court.

May

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Our new PM was elected
with fewer than 200 votes.

That’s how politics works these days.
Like it or lump it, folks.

Turkey coup

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Playing cards on Friday night
we heard a Turkey coup
as birds of war like iron hawks
above the Bosphorus flew.

The army, in a cuckoo’s cloak,
stormed the rulers’ nests,
deaf to dovish calls for peace
from leaders in the west.

The plans they laid were doomed to fail
like chicks hatched out of season;
and rebels, caged like mynah birds
now face trial for treason.

PMQs

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I’d rather we made points than scored them,
prime minister. If we could stick to the facts…
Do you deny that we’re funding a ministry
managed entirely by cats?

Is that why Hyde Park has been re-sown with catnip,
dogs have been curfewed at night,
and doors nationwide have been swapped out for flaps
a fifth of the previous height?

Does it explain the free-flowing cream
in fountains in each major city,
not to mention the tonnes of white gravel
on every street corner with shit in?

It’s answers we want, not a squint and a purr –
your reticence is a disgrace.
And while on that subject, if you don’t mind,
stop rubbing your nose on my face.