Buyers' remorse

Buyer’s remorse is fine on a bike
with a money back guarantee,
but not when you’re putting a cross in a box
to settle the fate of the country.

It isn’t a protest if it might win,
nor a weapon of last resort
for pencil and pen will always beat sword
if the outcome’s referred to the court.

May

Our new PM was elected
with fewer than 200 votes.

That’s how politics works these days.
Like it or lump it, folks.

Turkey coup

Playing cards on Friday night
we heard a Turkey coup
as birds of war like iron hawks
above the Bosphorus flew.

The army, in a cuckoo’s cloak,
stormed the rulers’ nests,
deaf to dovish calls for peace
from leaders in the west.

The plans they laid were doomed to fail
like chicks hatched out of season;
and rebels, caged like mynah birds
now face trial for treason.

PMQs

I’d rather we made points than scored them,
prime minister. If we could stick to the facts…
Do you deny that we’re funding a ministry
managed entirely by cats?

Is that why Hyde Park has been re-sown with catnip,
dogs have been curfewed at night,
and doors nationwide have been swapped out for flaps
a fifth of the previous height?

Does it explain the free-flowing cream
in fountains in each major city,
not to mention the tonnes of white gravel
on every street corner with shit in?

It’s answers we want, not a squint and a purr –
your reticence is a disgrace.
And while on that subject, if you don’t mind,
stop rubbing your nose on my face.